It's All Ed and Games
by ZephyrSamba
Summary: Final chapter now in! The Ed-boys try to come up with a new game for their latest 'get-rich-quick' scheme. Eddy's ready for the 'rich quick' part, Edd's more concerned with the research, and Ed, well, he just wants to play - board games good for Ed!
1. Monopoly Mayhem

Ed loaded up the garbage bag.  "Thanks for helping me clean my room, guys!"

"Why, of course, Ed – that's what friends are for!"  Decked out in full protective gear, Edd was gingerly plucking the less slimy objects out of Ed's closet and giving them a thorough scrubbing.  "I'll admit this isn't exactly my ideal way of spending a morning, but it's always a pleasure to help a friend in need!"

"Speak for yourself, Sock-head."  Eddy grumbled as he pulled crusty dishes, moldy socks, and less identifiable objects out from under Ed's bed.  He snatched his hand back as he thought he saw watery yellow eyes glaring back at him.  "Let's just get this over with so we can get back to setting up Tokyo Eddy's House of Sushi and Karaoke Bar!"

"As irresistible as an afternoon of food poisoning and horrifically mangled pop music no doubt is to the average cul-de-sac resident, I'm sure our throngs of potential customers can wait the few more hours it'll take us to bring some semblance of order to this pit of putrescence, Eddy."  Edd donned his gas mask and disappeared in a cloud of Lysol.

"Do you really think my room is a pit, Double-D?"  Covered in sticky debris, Ed squirmed out from beneath his chair cushion and ran over, arms wide.  "That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me!"

"Stay back, Ed!"  Edd retreated from the approaching Ed.  "Don't you touch me with those filth-ridden hands!  Even rubber gloves and plastic coveralls have their limits, you know!"  He blinked anxiously as he suddenly found himself unable to move.  "Oh my."  He reached down to tug at his foot, but to no avail.  "Ed, it appears that I'm stuck to your floor yet again!"

"No problem, Double-D!"  Ed skipped over and grabbed hold of his friend's wrists.  "Nice and soft like spring fresh towels!"  With that, he proceeded to yank Edd's arms out of their sockets.

"Ed – ow! – stop!  It's not – eagh! – working!"  Edd managed to pull his arms back before he lost them completely.

Eddy snickered.  "Guess you'll just have to stay put, Double-D!  I'm sure you'll blend right in after a few weeks of standing there!  Whaddya say, Ed?"

"Oh, no, Eddy, my mom won't let me keep pets ever since the badger incident!"  He pounded on his head in an effort to kick-start his brain.  "Ding-dong!"  Running over to a pile of clothes on the floor, he rummaged around and finally pulled out a dingy red pair of underwear.  He returned to Edd and pressed them into his hands.  "Special delivery!"

"Really, Ed, I don't see how your Christmas underwear is going to help matters."  Edd held them out at arm's length.  "Perhaps if you or Eddy could go retrieve some acetone from my garage we could…um, Ed?"

Ed had backed up to the other end of the room and now was bent over, his index fingers held to his temples like horns.  He snorted and scuffed a foot along the floor.

Edd dropped the underwear and pulled at his legs in a panic.  "Stop, wait, don't Ed!"  He tried to run but was stuck fast.  "Eddy, make him stop!!"  

"Oh gee, stop, Ed," Eddy mumbled behind his hand.  He shrugged.  "Sorry, Double-D, I tried!"  He leaned back to watch the show.

"A-OO-ga!"  Ed charged.  He plowed into Edd at full-tilt, knocking him out of his galoshes and deep into the recesses of the closet behind him.  Ed straightened up and laughed.  "Just like a bull at a Tupperware party!"

"You're a laugh a minute, Lumpy!"  Wiping tears of amusement from his eyes, Eddy came over to peer into the closet.  Far off in the back, Edd's legs could be seen, hanging limply over the edge of a battered cardboard box.

"Curse over-exuberant friends."  Edd sat up groggily and spat something out into his hand.  As his vision refocused, he realized it was a pair of dice.  He flung them away in horror and dug frantically through his pockets.  "Who knows where those gaming cubes might have been!"  Pulling out a bottle of mouthwash, he gargled vigorously.

"Dice?"  Eddy plucked them out of the air as they flew past.  He looked again at the box Edd was sitting in.  "What's in that box, Double-D?  Cards?  Poker chips?  A roulette wheel?"  His eyes took on a familiar gleam.  "Forget Tokyo Eddy's, boys, we've got the makings of Ed's Grand Casino!"

"The cul-de-sac's not zoned for gambling, Eddy – and might I point out that we're not yet of legal gambling age?"  Nonetheless, Edd looked down to see what else was in the box with him.  "At any rate, I'm afraid the paraphernalia you require isn't in here."  He held up a flat, rectangular carton.  "Why, it appears this box is full of…board games!"

"My board games!"  Ed scooped up the entire box and carried it into his room.  He upended it, sending Edd crashing to the floor along with countless games.  "Thanks, Double-D, I forgot where I put these!"

"Don't…mention it, Ed."  Edd clambered up from beneath a pile of games.  He looked around.  "But aren't we supposed to be cleaning your room, not adding ever more fuel to the raging chaos swarming around us at every turn?"

"Sock-head's right, Ed, we're never gonna get finished if you keep throwing more stuff around!"  Eddy picked up one of the games.  "Now hurry up and put this junk back so we can get going!"

Ed sniffled.  "But guys, these are so much fun!"  He hugged a board game to himself.  "Can't we play one?  Pleeease?  Just one, oh please!"

Eddy wasn't listening.  A sticker on the box he was holding had grabbed his attention.  "Five dollars?  That's how much this game cost?"  He picked up another one.  "_Eight_ dollars?!"  He rubbed his hands together.  "Brace yourselves, boys, I've just had my greatest idea ever!  We'll – "

" – create our own board game and sell it to the unsuspecting masses for a substantial amount of money."  Edd looked upwards.  "You're so predictable, Eddy."

Eddy paused, a bit crestfallen.  "Uh, yeah."  He glared at Edd.  "You know I hate it when you steal my thunder."

"Far be it from me to appropriate anything so frail and insubstantial."  Edd moved on before Eddy could work out what he'd said.  "But Eddy, we don't know the first thing about providing an engaging game experience!  Designing a unique and compelling game is surely not as straightforward as you seem to imagine!"

"So work harder, Double-_Dismal_, that's what you're here for!  Geez, do I gotta tell you how to do everything?"  He grabbed Edd's shirt collar in one hand and the back of Ed's jacket in the other, and began running for the stairs.  He didn't make it far, however, as Ed refused to budge.  "Ed!  Get the lead out!"

Ed sat forlornly on the ground, still sniffing.  "But guys, I want to play a game!"

"Forget it, Ed, we've got work to do!  You can play _our_ game, once we're finished making it!"

Edd tugged his shirt out of Eddy's fist.  "You know, Eddy, we could take this opportunity to conduct a little research in order to identify the elements that comprise a successful game!  Why, basing our game upon sound principles of entertainment design could increase our potential for profit exponentially!"

"Board games good for Ed!"  Tears were gushing from Ed's eyes like a fountain.

"Okay, all right, fine!"  Eddy thrust his hands in his pockets and sulked.  "We can play a stupid game, Ed."  He glared at Edd.  "But after all this 'research,' I'm upping the price of our game to ten bucks a pop – and I'd better sell every last one!"  He turned back towards Ed.  "Pick something, Monobrow, and let's get this over with."

"How about this one, guys?"  Ed pulled a game out of the pile and shook it.  "It's my favorite!"

"I'm afraid to look…"  Edd blinked in surprise.  "Monopoly?  That's your favorite game, Ed?"

"Sure is, Double-D!  I used to play it all the time!"  He sat down on the floor and happily started setting up the game.

"Monopoly!  I love that game!"  Eddy plopped himself down next to the money tray.  Scooping up a fistful of the multi-colored paper bills, he held them up to his nose and breathed deep.  "Ahh – there's nothing like the sweet smell of cash!"

"You do realize those aren't real, don't you?"

Eddy took another whiff.  "Yeah, but I can dream, can't I?"

"If it makes you happy…"  Edd rolled his eyes.  Pulling a towel out of his pocket, he placed it carefully on the ground and sat down.  "I suppose we should pick our tokens…"  He reached towards the thimble, but Ed's hand clamped down over his own.

"That one is mine, Double-D!"  Ed glared at him and snatched the thimble.

"V-very well, then…I'll be the iron."  He glanced at Ed to make sure this choice met with his approval, but Ed was happily toying with the thimble and hadn't heard him.

"Hmph, it suits you, Sock-head."  Eddy made a grab for the sports car.  "Now _this_ is a piece for an up-and-coming millionaire!"

"Eddy!"  Ed seized the car.  "The car is mine!"

"But you said – "

"Car for Ed!"  Ed raced the car and the thimble around the board.  "Vroom, vroom!"

Edd sighed.  "I'm beginning to suspect that Ed plays a rather unconventional style of Monopoly."

"Yeah, well, he's not playing it with _my_ car!"  Eddy grabbed at the car, but Ed refused to let go.  Eddy pulled.  "Gimme that, Ed!  You've already got the thimble!"

"But Eddy, I need the car to drive the shoe around in!"  Still clutching the car, Ed picked up the shoe piece as well.  He started setting up houses and hotels in wobbly rows.  "Brain-Sucking Loafer Men always invade in their silver space cars!"  With an effortless tug he freed the car from Eddy and set it down with the shoe on top.  "Beware, peace-loving citizens of Monopoland!  Buster Brownion and the diabolical Thimble Fiend once again seek to conquer your sleepy little town!"

"Ed, you're not even playing it right!  Gimme that!"  Eddy snatched the car away.

"Eddy!  Give it back, it's not your turn!"  Ed leapt on Eddy.

"Ed, knock it off!"  Eddy futilely tried to fend off Ed.  "Double-D, help!"

"Just a second, Eddy!"  Edd was holding his notebook and writing something down.  "'No game tokens that can double as action figures' – got it!"  He pocketed his notes.  "Thank you, Ed, that was very helpful!"

"No need for Cheez Whiz, Double-D!"  Having finally wrested the car away from Eddy, Ed returned to his own private Monopoly game.

"But I don't wanna see the monkeys…"  Eddy was lying on the floor looking very much worse for wear.  

Edd giggled behind his hand.  "Perhaps we should try a different game – something with a bit less potential for violence?"  He ducked as several plastic hotels went sailing past his head.  "Though I must admit, the term 'old Monopoly injury' isn't one I expect will ever become part of the common vernacular."

"You know Ed, he's anything but common…"  Eddy sat up unsteadily.

"Yes, well, why don't I select our next candidate for research?"  Edd sifted through the pile of games.  "Ah, this should do quite nicely…"


	2. Scrabble Squabble

The Scrabble board looked like it had been set upon by raging 'Word of the Day' fanatics.  Terms like 'quotidian' and 'nepotistic' filled nearly every square.  Currently, the final letters of 'quixotic' were being placed down.

"Hmm…"  Eddy was keeping score, having long since given up when it became clear he'd never win with 'cash' and 'lumpy'.  "That's a double-letter score for the 'X'…add the other letters…and the triple word score – ooh, wait, _two_ triple word scores!  Geez louise, Brainiac… That's…uh…"  He tried to add it up, but soon ran out of fingers.

"Three hundred and six points," Edd breathed.

"Er, yeah, that's what I was gonna say.  That'd make the final score…let's see…528 to 237."  Eddy snickered.  "Man, Big Guy, show a little mercy!  You walloped Double-D!"

"Just call me Mister Smarty Toes!"  Ed shoved a spare tile up his nose and blew out to see how far he could shoot it.

"I lost…to Ed…"  Edd shuddered and rocked slightly back and forth.

"I've gotta ask, Ed – do you even _know_ what kwicks…uh, keex-ot…that word means?"

"Sure do, Eddy!  The Quixotic Clam Man is the bold adventurer who battles the evil Windmill Octopus in 'Aqua Man of La Mancha'!  I was so scared I couldn't eat fish sticks for weeks!"

"I lost…to Ed…"

"And you said monster movies were bad for my brain, Double-D!"  Ed caught Edd in a headlock and noogied him.  "I am a super Scrabbler, huh guys!"

"I still say you cheated, Ed!"

"Aw, no way, Eddy, cheaters never tango!  I only used the dictionary like Double-D said I could – to spell words I already know!"

"I lost…to Ed…"

Eddy waved a hand in front of Edd's eyes, but got no response.  He grinned.  "I get the feeling he's regretting that now…"  He shook Edd vigorously.  "Wake up, Sock-head, it's over!  Aren't you supposed to be taking notes or something?"

Edd stared at him for a moment, then slowly blinked back to consciousness.  "N-no, thank you, Eddy," his voice was a hoarse whisper, "I…I don't think I want any record of this…"

"Suit yourself."  Eddy went over to the games pile.  "Maybe you'd like something a little less challenging next time, eh Double-D?"  He was thoroughly enjoying his friend's discomfiture.

"I lost…to Ed…"

*****

"It's taken us an hour to make these stupid characters, Ed."  Eddy grumbled as he set down his warrior figurine.  "This _better_ be good!"

"It's a whopper of a doozy, Eddy!"  Ed donned his special Dungeon Master hat, made of newspaper and decorated with uncooked spaghetti 'horns'.  "But you're not done with your character yet!"

"What?!?  Ed, you've made us roll for gravy capacity, for number of toes, for – for resistance to dandelions, for cryin' out loud!  What more could you possibly want?!"

"Oh, you are done rolling," Ed toyed with a spaghetti horn, "but you still haven't come up with names!"

"Oh, right."  Eddy thought for a moment.  "Okay – I'll be…uh…Sir Eddyvar, the Stupendous!"

"Oh, very inspired, Eddy!  You must've really racked your brains to come up with such an inventive appellation!"

"Eddy's got apples?"

"Shut up, Ed."  Eddy glared at Edd.  "All right, Sock-head, so who's your character?"  He snorted.  "'Whiny the Obsessive-Compulsive?'  'Windbag the Never Shutting Up'?"

Edd shot Eddy a wounded look.  "Well…"  He considered his wizard miniature.  "Since he _is_ an alchemist of the venerable, er, 'chicken' school of thought…"  He glanced at Ed and shook his head.  "How about Dr. Hendelevium?"  He giggled at his own pun, and looked at his friends expectantly.  "_Hen_delevium?  Hello?  Mendelevium?  The radioactive rare earth metal?"  He looked exasperated.  "It was named after the inventor of the periodic table, for heaven's sake!"

Eddy looked bored.  Ed smiled vacantly, then yelled, "I know!  You can be Captain Clucky!"  He patted Edd's figurine.  "Cluck-cluck-cluck!"

Edd sighed.  "Very well, Ed, Captain Clucky it is."  He set his piece down.  "Now, can we please begin?"

"Okey dokey, Oklahoma!"  Ed's eyes went unfocused for a moment as he pondered the opening scene.  "Okay!  You are…uh…in a cave!  And – and suddenly you come across a huge, spooky, evil…um…bowl of baked beans!"  He waited.  "Come on, Eddy – what do you do?"

Eddy rolled his eyes.  "Okay, fine, Ed, I take the stupid beans."

Ed loaded his mouth with multi-sided dice and spat them onto the ground.  Without bothering to watch them land, he cried, "Oh no!  The bowl of baked beans turns out to be a ravenous gopher-demon in disguise!  He waves his scaly paws in the air and devours Sir Eddyvar whole!"  He turned towards Edd.  "Your move, Captain Clucky!"

Edd blinked.  "Well, I-I suppose I could – "

"Too late!  Captain Clucky falls prey to the merciless hunger of the ferocious gopher-demon!  You are both dead!  The end!"  Ed laughed.  "Good game, huh guys!"

Edd blinked again, then scribbled in his notebook, 'Include elements to control for overactive imaginations.'

Eddy poked at his figurine.  "Man, I wish this sword was real…"

*****

"Now _here's_ a quality game!"  Edd picked up a copy of Trivial Pursuit. "Though I must admit, Ed, I'm rather surprised to find it in amongst your collection."

"Oh, that one's a real disappointment, Double-D.  Those pie pieces you get for winning a question don't taste homemade at all!"

Eddy made a face.  "Forget it, Sock-head, no way are me and Ed playing 'Genius Edition' anything against you.  Uh, not that we _couldn't_, of course," he quickly added, "it's just that we, er, don't want a repeat of that little Scrabble incident."  He snickered.

Edd looked down at the box in his hands, then back up at Eddy.  "No, Eddy, it doesn't say 'Genius' edition, that's _Genus_, see?  It means…"  He trailed off, watching Eddy cheer Ed on as he attempted to shove his TV into his ear.  He blinked.  Without another word, he returned Trivial Pursuit to the pile and picked another game.

*****

"I love the game of Life!"  Eddy spun the dial.  "Any game where the winner's the one with the most money at the end has got the right idea!  Ha, Retirement!"  He moved his car.  "Time to count up the cash!"

Edd glanced down and quickly tallied up his money, while Ed had to remove his shoes and count on his toes.  Eddy was still counting when his friends finished.

"Seven million, nine-hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine-hundred and ninety-nine…_eight_ million…eight million and one…"

Edd watched for a moment, then drew out his notebook.  "'Include severe penalties for cheating'…"

*****

"No, Ed, wait!"  Edd tried to pull Ed's game piece from him.

"Gingerbread man, Double-D!"  Ed stuffed the Candyland token into his mouth and swallowed.  He followed it up with the 'Gumdrop Mountains' game card, then took a big bite out of the board itself.  "Mmm, pepperminty!"

"'Avoid food-related metaphors'…"  Edd tucked his notebook back into his pocket and braced himself for their next game.

*****

"Such an ingenious design!"  Edd leaned over the little plastic assemblage, thoroughly intrigued.  He turned the crank, once more setting in motion the convoluted series of events that would ultimately result in a trapped mouse.  He watched with delight.  "A true masterpiece of Rube Goldberg machinery!"

Eddy yawned.  "Come on, Double-D, you've been playing with that stupid Mouse Trap for twenty minutes now!  Me and Ed are bored!"

"Arf!"  Over in the corner, Ed was making the mouse-shaped game pieces 'talk' to one another.  "Mousey want a piece of cheese?"  He reached into his pocket and brought out a grey, fuzzy lump that might at one time have been of the dairy family.

Eddy gagged.  "That's it!  Put it away, Double-D, we're done with Mouse Trap!"

"Just once more, Eddy, it's such a – " Edd flinched as Eddy stomped over and kicked the board, sending pieces flying everywhere.  The little diving man struck him squarely in the forehead.  "Uh, why don't I put away the game now…"

"And gimme that!"  Eddy snatched Edd's notebook and scribbled, 'No science-nerd stuff'.

*****

"Come on, guys, let me play!"  Ed's lower lip quivered.  "Please?  Please?  I want to play!"

"It's a two-player game, Monobrow!  Wait your turn!"  Eddy pushed a checker to the edge of the board.  "Ha!  King me, Sock-head!"

"Very good, Eddy, your first king!"  The board was covered with double-decked red kings, and now a lone black one joined the tableau.

"Are you done yet?  Huh?  How about now?"  Ed bounced impatiently.  "Come on, guys, please can I have a – "

A shrill voice lashed through the air.  "ED!"  All three friends stiffened at the sound.  The door to Ed's room flew open, and Sarah stomped in.  She surveyed the scene.  "What are you guys doing?"

"N-nothing, adorable little sister!"  Ed crawled under the checkerboard, sending pieces sliding off.  "Don't tell Mom, okay?"

"Don't tell Mom what?"  Sarah grinned wickedly.  "That you spent the whole morning down here playing GAMES when you were supposed to be cleaning your room?"

"It wasn't my fault, Sarah, honest!  I did not want to play!  I am a good boy!"

Sarah looked down at the game board.  Her disposition brightened immediately.  "Checkers?" she squealed.  "I love checkers!"  She shoved Eddy out of the way and took his place.  "Come on, let's play!  Set up the board, Double-D!"

Eddy leaned against Sarah and tried to push her out of his spot.  "Get lost, Sarah – urgh _– I'm_ playing!"

Sarah refused to budge.  "Take a hike, Eddy – _I_ wanna play, and I wanna play _now_!"  She turned back towards the board.  "Well?  What are you waiting for?!  Set up the board, Double-D!"

Edd sweated nervously.  "Uh…you know, I do believe we have a lot of cleaning to attend to right now, Sarah…"  He got up and backed towards his friends.

"Ed!  Make your stupid friend play with me or I'm telling Mom!"

Eyes ringed, Ed collared Edd and sat him back down.  "Play with Sarah, Double-D, please!"

"Really, Ed, I don't want – " he swallowed hard as he noticed that Sarah was on the verge of eruption.  "W-well, I suppose we have time for one quick game…"  He shakily placed the checkers on the board.

Ed and Eddy stood as far away from Sarah as they could.  They winced as Sarah smashed a fist down over Edd's hand when he started to make his first move.

"_I'm_ going first, Double-D!  And turn this board around – I'm _always_ red!"

"V-very well…"  Nursing his injured hand, Edd darted a pleading look back towards his friends.

"Uh, Double-D, don't we have to get going now?"  Eddy edged towards the door.  "We've got a lot of work to do on that game of ours – and besides, we're interrupting Ed's cleaning!"

"NO!  Don't leave, Eddy!"  Ed threw himself on the ground, hugging Eddy's legs.  "Sarah's bad for Ed!"

"Double-D's not going anywhere!"  Turning back towards Edd, Sarah flashed a coy smile that quickly dissolved back into her usual scowl.  "It's your move!"  She fumed with impatience.  "GO!"

Edd looked wistfully towards the door, then over at his sobbing friend.  He sighed.  "Eddy, we can't leave Ed in this predicament, I'll simply have to play it through."  He reached tentatively towards a checker, ready to snatch his hand back at the first sign of danger.

Moments later, Ed and Eddy leapt beneath the bed as checkers went flying around the room.  Edd made to follow them, but recoiled as he caught sight of a large, hairy foot retreating into the shadows.  Eddy grabbed hold of Edd's legs and yanked him under, just as a checker whizzed through the air where his head had been and embedded itself in the wall behind.

"Well, that was predictable!"  Eddy snorted in disgust.  "Just couldn't let Sarah win, could you?"

"I-I apologize, Eddy, I really was suffering from a dearth of common sense just then."  Edd curled into an even tighter ball, trying to shrink away from the pulpy, unidentifiable mass that took up much of the space beneath the bed.  "It's just not in my nature to deliberately operate at sub-standard levels of performance, regardless of the consequences."

"Yeah, well, you'd better hope Sarah runs out of checkers before we all get 'consequenced' to death!"  He jumped as something furry brushed against his arm.  "Ed!  What the heck's under here with us?!"

Ed sucked in a breath as he heard a chittering growl rising up from behind him.  "Barney!"  He squirmed with delight.  "Guys, my badger is back!"  Reaching over his friends, he tried to catch his fugitive pet.

"A badger?  Ed, badgers are ill-tempered, unhygienic, carnivorous wild animals, certainly not suited for – " Edd gasped as Ed was yanked back into the corner.  "Ed?"

Eddy scrabbled desperately as something dug into his legs and began pulling him backwards.  "Double-D!!"  Clawing at the floor, he too was dragged off into the depths.

"Oh my!"  Edd started to crawl out from beneath the bed, but was temporarily halted by a barrage of checkers.  Before he could escape, 'Barney' grabbed him and hauled him back.  "ED!!"

"Aw, don't worry, Double-D, he's just playing!"

"AAIGH!!"

The bed shook wildly as the badger expressed its feelings over the invasion of its lair.  Sarah stopped hurling checkers and settled back to watch the show.  It seemed that there were some things almost as good as getting her brother in trouble.  Almost.


	3. Charade Shenanigans

"Here is where everyone gets points for putting applesauce between their toes!"  Ed continued drawing on the side of his house as Eddy looked on in annoyance.  "And then they'll use a radioactive jellybean to fight off the six boxes of European hand towels!"  He added a few 'radioactive jellybeans' to his diagram.  "Just like in charades!"

Eddy knocked the marker out of Ed's hands.  "What kind of game is that, Ed?  Why would anybody want applesauce on their feet?  And where the heck are we supposed to get radioactive jelly beans?!"

"From the giant jelly donut hurtling towards Earth even as we speak!"  Ed zoomed a hand around in imitation of an Earth-bound space donut.  "When it crashes it will explode into millions of jellybeans!"  Suddenly growing concerned, he scooped up Eddy and began running.  "Come on, Eddy, we need to hurry before the lizards eat them all!"

Eddy reached out and grabbed a passing tree, bringing Ed to an immediate halt.  "Forget it, Burrhead, your game stinks!"  He glared back at Ed's drawing.  "Man, where's Double-D when you need him?"

"Well!  It's certainly nice to be appreciated!"  Sporting several fresh bandages, Edd limped slightly as he came over from the direction of his house.  He scratched his head as he examined Ed's illustrations.  "Although I must admit, I can understand the reasons for your consternation…"

"Yeah, yeah – speaking of reasons, what took you so long?  I almost thought we'd actually have to go with Ed's idea!"

"I shudder at the thought."  Edd rubbed his eyes, and looked again at the drawing.  "Is that a radioactive…?"  Shaking his head, he returned to Eddy's question.  "Well, even at the risk of allowing this scheme to fall into Ed's, ah, uniquely unorthodox hands, I simply couldn't carry on without first attending to my bites and scratches."  He eyed Ed and Eddy dubiously.  "Are you two _certain_ I can't offer you some antiseptic spray to help stave off infection?  Who knows what kind of virulent microorganisms that unsanitary creature could be playing host to?"

Eddy snickered.  "Are you talking about the badger, or Ed?"

Ed hadn't heard.  "Infection?"  He looked down at the scratches covering his arm.  "You mean like how Danny Driver got bit by that mutant earwig and became The Remarkable Earwigman?"  His eyes widened, and he held his arm reverently.  "Guys!  What if I get superpowers, too?"  He hopped around.  "I'll be able to dig like a badger, and bite like a badger, and fly like a badger – "

"Badgers are incapable of flight, Ed."

"And whistle Dixie like a badger, and – "

"ED!  Knock it off!"  His patience at an end, Eddy stormed over and knocked Ed's legs out from under him, leaving him facedown in the dirt.  He turned back towards Edd.  "Forget the Incredible Lump – time's a-wasting, Double-D!  So what surefire ideas did you come up with while you were gone, huh?"

"Uh, well, as I mentioned, Eddy, I was rather busy administering to my injuries, so I have yet to give the board game the serious consideration it requires."  He took out his notebook.  "But I'm confident that the – "

"What?  We spend half the morning as chew toys for Ed's stupid pet, then I have to baby-sit the big lunk while you're having a heart attack over a few scrapes, and now you tell me I have to wait even longer _still_?  Gimme that!"  He snatched the notebook from Edd's hands and whacked him over the head with it.

Edd raised his arms in self-defense.  "But Eddy, I – "

"Yeah, yeah, spare me the excuses.  Slacker."  Eddy skimmed through the notebook.  "Hey, what's with this 'severe penalties for cheating' thing?"  He eyed Edd suspiciously.

"Oh, yes, well…" Edd studiously examined his fingernails.  "Ahem – never mind that, let's just see what we can come up with now, shall we?"  He retrieved his notebook and began perusing its contents.

"Eddy!  Look!  I _am_ a badger!"  Ed's voice was rather muffled, still lying as he was belly-down on the ground.  Edd and Eddy watched with varying degrees of concern and amusement as Ed began digging a hole by eating the dirt beneath his face.

"Ed, please!  That can't possibly be good for your tooth enamel, let alone your habitually overtaxed digestive tract!"  Edd wrung his hands and peered over the edge of the hole.

"Keep it up, Lumpy, you're a great badger!"  Snickering, Eddy snuck behind Edd, took a running start, and stuck his arms out to push him in.

Edd sidestepped Eddy's onslaught without even turning around.  He giggled as he looked down at Eddy, now lying on top of Ed in the hole.  "Really, Eddy, you're becoming far too predictable!"

"Predictable, am I?"  Eddy reached down to yank off one of Ed's shoes, then flung it at Edd.  He smirked as he heard it strike with a 'thump'.  Turning his attention back towards Ed, he elbowed him in the back.  "Enough with the digging, Ed – get me out of here!"

"Badger Man to the rescue!"  Ed took Eddy's collar in his mouth, then stood with his arms raised.  "Up, up, and Arkansas!"

Arms crossed, Eddy swung from his shirt collar and waited.  Nothing happened.  "ED!"

"Hmm…"  Ed released Eddy and tried again to take off.  His brow furrowed as he remained earthbound.  "Gee, Eddy, I guess my transformation isn't complete yet!"

"Badgers _can't fly_, Ed."  Eddy grabbed hold of Ed's jacket, swung his foot back, and delivered a solid kick to his rear.  The force of the kick knocked Ed, with Eddy still clinging to his jacket, up out of the hole.

Edd was sitting on the ground, rubbing his head from where the shoe had hit him.  "Welcome back!  I was beginning to think I was going to have to continue this plot on my own!"

"Yeah, right, Sock-head – without me and Ed, you'd just have gone back home to count molecules or something."  Eddy rolled his eyes.  "_Real_ exciting…"

Edd looked at him crossly.  "You know, Eddy, it wouldn't hurt you to – "  He lost his train of thought as he suddenly caught sight of Ed's toes, poking through a large hole in his sock.  "Good heavens, Ed!  When was the last time you trimmed your toenails?"

Ed looked down and gasped.  "Guys, my powers are growing!  Look, I have badger claws!"  He scraped at the earth with his foot.

"Poor podiatric hygiene is not a super power, Ed."  Edd gingerly grasped Ed's shoe between two fingers and handed it to him.  "Now please, put your shoe back on before I lose what's left of my will to continue with this storyline…"

Eddy watched this interchange with growing impatience.  "Are you done yet?  Come on – between Sock-head's little medical drama and Ed's stupid Mole Boy or whatever, we've wasted nearly the whole afternoon!  We're never gonna come up with that million-dollar board game at this rate – now, think!"

The three Eds sat down in a circle, Edd and Eddy concentrating on their game while Ed practiced making badger faces.

Eddy spoke up first.  "I've got it!  We'd save tons of time if we just came up with a fancy-looking box and skipped the game altogether!"  He rubbed his hands together.  "We'll be knee-deep in jawbreakers by sundown!"

Edd looked appalled.  "Disregarding for the moment the staggering moral indecency of such a course of action, Eddy, have you learned nothing this summer about the perils of deception?"  He shook his head.  "And even if you overlook the painful retribution that's sure to be visited upon us when your ruse is uncovered, what makes you think anybody would buy an obviously empty box in the first place?"

"So we'll throw a few rocks in to give it weight – even you've gotta admit it's a great idea, Double-D!"  Eddy leapt to his feet.  "Now, let's go find some boxes, boys, our fortunes await!"  He ran off towards his house.

Exasperated, Edd watched him go, then turned towards Ed.  "Gracious, Badger Man, look!  Your arch-nemesis – um…Red Temper – is getting away!"  He pointed after Eddy.  "You'd best go apprehend him before he wreaks any further havoc!"

Ed looked enchanted.  "I have always wanted an arch-meminis, Double-D!"  He stood up, a determined expression on his face.  "Beware, naughty Red Temper!  Badger Man is on the case!"  With that, he ran off after Eddy.

Moments later, Eddy found himself being hauled back towards Ed's house, slung over Ed's shoulder.  "You're a funny guy, Sock-head."  He glared at Edd.

Edd suppressed a giggle as Eddy was dumped to the ground.  "I apologize for that, Eddy, but I simply cannot condone this concept of selling empty boxes!  You'll thank me when this is over, I assure you."  He tapped his chin thoughtfully.  "Now, what we need is a game that's both educational and – "

"Educational?"  Eddy snorted.  "Man, I knew you'd try to sneak that in at some point!  Come on, Double-D, educational games are snoresville!  No normal kid would wanna waste their time with a game that's supposed to _teach_ them something!"

"I question your use of the word 'normal' to describe any of our potential customers, Eddy," Edd reached over and removed a checker that had still been lodged in Eddy's ear.  "But regardless, a well-designed educational game is anything but boring!  Why, there's no reason at all why learning about the joys of entomology or the mysteries of the human psyche can't be just as rewarding as, say," he gestured back towards Ed's drawing, "attacking hand towels with radioactive jellybeans…"

"Jellybeans!"  Arms extended out in front of him, Ed 'flew' back over to stand in front of his drawing.  "Come on, guys, my idea's a real winner!  And that's not a loser, because a winner can win at anything they don't lose at, and a – "

"Ed, shut up!!"  Eddy glared Ed into silence, then turned back towards Edd.  "And give it up, Sock-head, no way am I trying to sell some stupid egghead game – we're doing the empty box!  Now, get to work!"

"Absolutely not!"  Edd crossed his arms.  "I refuse to set myself up for such inevitable failure when a perfectly viable alternative is right at our fingertips!"  He took out his notebook and a pen.  "Now, if you're unconvinced by the entomology theme, perhaps you'd prefer something along the lines of astronomical studies, or – "

Ed sniffed and pointed to his drawing.  "But Eddy, what about my game?"

"No!  I say we're doing the empty box, and that's – "

" – or particle physics, or geometric proofs, or – "

"Radioactive jellybeans, guys!"

"Shut UP!!!"  Eddy grabbed Ed and Edd and knocked their heads together.  He glowered as they slumped against each other in a daze.  "This is getting us nowhere!"

Edd rubbed his head.  "For once, I must admit you're right, Eddy – we'll never achieve a marketable product if we can't even agree on the premise on which to base it.  Our ideas are simply too incongruous to be integrated into one coherent theme."  He brightened.  "I propose that we each take the time to further develop our individual concepts, and reconvene in an hour to select the best from the pool of candidates!"

"What?  _More_ time spent spinning our wheels?"  Eddy balled his hands into fists.

"Eddy's right, Double-D!  I've seen less dilly-dallying at a pickle factory!"  Ed removed his jacket and tied it around his shoulders like a cape.  "Badger Man must think of his city!  He can't spend time on silly games!"  He started to march away, got his feet tangled up in his jacket/cape, and landed in a heap on the ground.  "And I need a turbo-charged grill!"

Edd and Eddy stared.  "Er, you're not helping my case, Ed…"  

"Sure aren't, Eddy!"  Ed laughed.

Eddy sighed, and turned back to Edd.  "Fine, whatever, if it'll shut you up we'll do it your way."

"My, what a red letter day this is turning out to be!"  Edd cast a grateful glance towards Ed.  "We'll meet back here in one hour.  I eagerly await the unveiling of your and Ed's, ah, imaginative game ideas!  Gentlemen."  He scooped up his notes and headed off towards his house.

Eddy glared down at Ed.  "Thanks a lot, Monobrow, you just had to encourage him, didn't you?"  Hands in his pockets, he stomped off towards his own home.  "I'll see ya later, Ed."

"Hasta la vitamins, Eddy!"  Ed tried to get up, but his jacket was still wrapped around his feet.  "Oh no!  Badger Man is caught in a fiendish trap set by Red Temper!"  He thrashed and rolled around on the ground, but only succeeded in entangling himself further.  "Will he escape in time to get his turbo-charged grill?  Will he be able to stop the European Hand Towel People from enslaving the earth with their crepes of doom?  Tune in next week for the next dramatic episode!  Dum-dum-_dum_!"


	4. 8Ball Exasperation

"Let me see…"  Edd pensively tapped the index card against his desk.  "Ah, here we are!"  Finally deciding on the most logical spot for it, he taped the card to the wall.  He looked around in satisfaction.

Hundreds of neatly written, carefully cross-referenced index cards were arrayed in orderly rows across all four walls of his room.  Each card contained one piece of data meticulously culled from the notes he had taken during the earlier 'game research' session, supplemented by findings he had obtained from studies documented in his psychology journals.

Edd smiled to himself.  "All the elements necessary to create the most engaging game ever, just waiting for me to assemble them in the appropriate combination!"  He clenched his hands in excitement.  "Oh, how I love a challenge!"

As he reached for a pen, he caught a glimpse of the sun outside the window.  It seemed a lot lower now than it had the last time he'd noticed it.  "Oh my."   A glance at the atomic clock on his desk confirmed his fears – he had only fifteen minutes left before he was expected to rejoin his friends with a completed game.  "Oh, curse engaging psychology articles!"  Hurriedly pulling open drawers and collecting potential game components, he ruefully abandoned his index cards and tried his best to think up something marketable, yet quick to assemble.

*****

"It's marketable…it'd be quick to assemble…"  Eddy muttered to himself as he stomped into his room.  "The empty box is a great idea, why won't Double-D just admit it!"  He slammed his door shut.  "Stupid Sock-head…just can't accept that I'm so much smarter than him when it comes to stuff that actually _matters_..."

Slouching down onto his bed, he checked his clock.  He sighed dramatically.  "Geez, fifty more minutes!  What the heck am I supposed to until then?"  He certainly didn't plan on wasting his time worrying about the stupid game – that's what Ed and Edd were for, after all.

Although…maybe he really shouldn't leave _all_ the work to his friends…Hissing in exasperation, he picked up his Magic 8-Ball and spun it around on one finger.  "All right…should I at least try to come up with my own game idea?"  He stopped the spinning ball and looked into its window.  Frowning at the answer, he gave it another spin and checked again.  "'My Sources Say No' – that's more like it!  Now, should I go see what's on TV?"  He rattled the ball once more.  "'All Signs Point to Yes' – man, I love this thing!"

He jumped up and headed towards the door, but paused as he looked down at the Magic 8-Ball still in his hands.  Glancing around to make sure nobody was watching, he leaned in and asked, "Am I the handsomest guy in the neighborhood?"  Grinning, he shook the ball.  His grin disappeared when he read the answer.  "Whaddya mean, 'Outlook Not Good'?!"  He shook it again.  "'Better Not Tell You Now'?  Rrrrgh!"  He shook it even harder.  "'You're Joking, Right?'"  He blinked in surprise.  "Is that even an answer this thing _has_?"

His frustration levels rising steadily, he shook it once more.

*****

His confusion levels rising steadily, Ed shook his head once more in attempt to wake up his brain.  "Hmm…"  He wondered why his friends weren't around like they usually were at this time.  Sitting down on the floor and scooping up a goopy object that might once have been a sandwich, he chewed absently and dug a finger in his ear.

His eyes strayed to the pile of games still scattered across his room.  There was something that had to do with the games…His brow furrowed as he tried to remember.  Double-D had been going on and on about something, and Eddy had been yelling…well, no help there, that's what they were _always_ doing.

He rattled his head from side to side to clear the unpleasant ache that had started to come on.  Whatever it was, it couldn't have been that important or his friends would have come along to help.  Licking his fingers as he finished up his sandwich, he leaned over to pick up the Evil Tim comic lying by the side of his bed.

A warning growl rose up from beneath the bed as he reached for the comic.  Games…badgers…Ed slapped a hand to his forehead.  How could he have forgotten?  Laughing at his own absentmindedness, he ran over to his closet and looked for the necessary supplies.

*****

Cursing his own unproductiveness, Edd scanned his closet, looking for the remaining supplies he needed.  Retrieving his hot glue gun from the neatly labeled 'Adhesives, Fasteners, and Bonding Implements' basket, he returned to his desk and began assembling the game pieces.  

"Oh dear!"  A quick glance at the clock made him increase his already-rapid pace.  "Eight more minutes, and I have yet to document the questions or even finish the board itself!"  He cast a longing glance towards the index cards still on display around his room, but shook his head sadly.  No time for those now.

Edd grabbed a piece of paper and began drafting up game questions and answers.  If he didn't have this done after making Eddy wait an entire hour, Eddy would surely…well.  He shuddered.  The outcome was easily predictable, and certainly not good.

*****

"'Outlook Not Good' AGAIN?  What's with this thing?!"

Shake.

"'Very Doubtful'?!?  AARRGH!!"

Eddy raised the Magic 8-Ball and prepared to smash it against the floor, but lowered it again as a better idea came to him.  He looked around for something he could use to pry the plastic window off of the toy.

*****

Ed looked around for something he could use to pry the lid off his mother's makeup kit.  Finding nothing suitable, he took the lid in his teeth and gnawed it off.  

Several minutes later, he laughed as he examined himself in his parents' bathroom mirror.  His face was white from the deodorant he'd smeared all over it, and black mascara stripes traced up his forehead.  He applied a little rouge to his eyelids, just for luck.  "I AM Badger Man!"  Not even his best friends would know his true identity now.

He happily waved his 'wings'.  Stapling an old sheet to his sleeves had been a stroke of pure genius.  "Fly, Badger Man, fly!"

As he flapped around the room, he came to a sudden stop.  "Oh yeah."  His friends had no doubt expected him to come up with neat costumes for them, too.  He soared back down to his room to see what he could find – he didn't want to disappoint Eddy and Double-D, after all.

*****

Edd hoped his friends wouldn't be disappointed.  Spread out on the table before him were an array of lavishly decorated question and answer cards, a colorful, carefully laminated game board, nine game tokens meticulously worked out in painstaking detail, and a set of hand-carved wooden dice.

Edd sighed as he critically surveyed the fruits of his labor.  "Well, I suppose that's all I can expect for fifteen minutes' work."  Hoping it would be enough to satisfy his friends, he placed everything in the hand-woven wicker carrying case he'd whipped up while waiting for the glue to dry on his game pieces, and headed off towards Ed's house.

*****

He should start heading off towards Ed's house now, but Eddy still had one more thing to do.  "There!"  He popped the window of his Magic 8 Ball back into place.  "Now!  For the last time – Am I the handsomest guy in the neighborhood?"  The handwritten message that bobbed up from the murky blue liquid read, 'Of Course, Eddy!'  He grinned.  "Now that's more like it!"

He glanced at his clock.  "And just in time, too!  Let's go see what Sock-head's come up with."  Eddy paused as he was about to head out.  A crooked smile crossed his face as he looked down at his 8-Ball again.  "Am I smarter than Double-D, stronger than Ed, and a better dresser than all the other kids combined?"  He nodded to himself as he read the response.  "'Absolutely Positively!'  Like I didn't know that already!  Man, I oughta sell these things…"__

Setting down his new and improved Magic 8-Ball, Eddy ran out of his room and back over to Ed's.


	5. Clueless Conclusion

"Hello?  Ed?"  Edd rang the bell again and waited.  "Is there anybody home?"

"Hey, Double-D!"  Eddy strolled up.  "Where's Ed?"

"I'm not sure, Eddy, he doesn't appear to be answering his – " Edd jumped back in alarm as something large, striped, and flapping dropped off the roof and landed on Eddy.  He gave a relieved sigh and put a hand to his heart as he realized what it was.  "Ed, please, I don't think my nerves can take many more horrific shocks this summer…"

"ED!"  Eddy shoved him off his back.  "What's the big idea?"  He got stiffly back to his feet and glowered at Ed.  His anger soon gave way to amusement as he took in Ed's new look.  "Gee, Lumpy, you've…changed!"

"Call me Badger Man!"  Ed struck a dramatic pose.  "Defender of evil, enemy of justice!  No, uh, defender of enemies, justice to evil – um…"  He scratched his head, then tried again.  "Call me Badger Man!"

"You've gotta love him," Eddy snickered.

Edd shook his head in wonder.  "Yes, well, be that as it may…I believe we had other business to which to attend?"  He held up his game.  "I can't help but notice that you don't seem to have brought anything with you, Eddy."

"Yeah, well, um, it's all up here, Double-D."  Eddy tapped his forehead and tried to look inspired.  "And besides, I didn't want to, uh, infect on your, er, freedom of espresso…so I thought I'd let you show off your little game first…yeah."

"Oh, that's very kind of you, Eddy!"  Edd raised an eyebrow.  "But are you sure it's not actually because you frivolously squandered this last hour, thoughtlessly relying on Ed and myself to do all the work while you lounged around indulging in premature fantasies of prosperity, as per usual?"

"No, of course not, Double-D!"  Eddy watched as Ed pulled a ray gun made of salami out of his pocket and ran around 'shooting' at invisible enemies.  "I never expected Ed to come up with anything."  He snickered.  "But enough with the belly-aching, all right?  Let's just see what you brought!"

Edd sighed.  Taking the lid off his wicker carrying case, he explained, "Now, it's only a prototype, Eddy, so please try not to be dismayed by the amateurish appearance of the component pieces."

Eddy's eyes widened as Edd began setting up a game that looked like the crown jewel in a wealthy board game enthusiast's collection.  "This is a prototype?"  He picked up a miniature game token shaped just like him, detailed down to the chain in his pocket.  "Look at these pieces!  It's like seeing myself in a really tiny mirror!"

"Yes, well, I did try to reproduce the features of our associate cul-de-sac inhabitants as best I could in the limited time allotted."  Edd disdainfully eyed the figurines.  "But just look at them – the green of Kevin's shirt isn't the correct shade, I had to make the little Plank Jonny's holding out of balsa wood instead of oak, and don't even get me started on Rolf's unconvincing back hair!"

Eddy rolled his eyes.  "Yeah, you're a real letdown, Double-D."  As Edd looked down dejectedly, Eddy pocketed the Nazz figurine.  "I'll let it slide this time, though – so tell me what this game is all about, anyway!"

Edd brightened.  "Oh!  Well!  Now that's something of which I'm truly proud!"  He reached into the box and hauled out a rulebook that by all rights should never have been able to fit.  "I call the game 'Adventures in Etiquette Land,' and the premise is that – "

"What?!"  Eddy stood up.  "_Etiquette Land_??"

Edd was busy flipping through his rulebook and thus didn't notice the twitch developing in Eddy's left eye.  "That is correct, Eddy!"  He smiled proudly.  "I must admit, I was inspired by your, well, rather inconsiderate plan for conning our peers into purchasing empty boxes, as well as by Sarah's atrociously uncivilized actions of earlier this morning – I can't help but feel that this entire neighborhood could do with a significant bolstering of its social graces, and so…"  He glanced up to find that Eddy had reached a dangerous shade of red.

Eddy struggled to remain still.  "So let me get this straight.  I give you an hour to come up with a can't-miss game idea – an hour we could have spent slurping down jawbreakers if we'd just gone with my idea in the first place – and you come back with some sissy politeness game?"

"Yes, well – uh, m-maybe you would consider perusing the section of the rulebook that deals with physical confrontations at this point?"  Edd backed out of reach as Eddy went from red to purple.  "On the other hand, I can see my idea hasn't exactly met your expectations."  Looking nervously around for some distraction, his eyes fell on Ed.  "Perhaps Ed has come up with something more to your liking."  He tugged at one of Ed's 'wings'.  "Ed?  Did you have anything you wanted to contribute?"

Ed smiled broadly.  "Sure did, Double-D!  Hang on, it's in my Badger-Pack!"  

Edd sighed in relief as Ed reached around to rummage through the bright purple backpack he was wearing.  His relief was short-lived, however.

"Here you go, Eddy!"  Ed shoved a bundle of shabby red rags into his arms.  "You will look great in your Red Temper costume!"

"Ed, what the heck is this?"  Eddy made a face as he held out Ed's red underwear.  "Why are you giving me your Christmas – "

"And for you, Double-D!"  Ed proudly tied a tattered grey sheet around his friend's neck, then pulled an old sock with holes cut out down over his head.  "You can be my sidekick, um…"  He considered the now-shaking Edd for a moment, then snapped his fingers.  "Chihuahua Boy!"

"Ed's dirty sock!!"  Edd scrabbled frantically to pull the noxious 'mask' off his head.  When he had recovered his breath, he asked, "Ed, what in heaven's name does any of this have to do with the game concept you were meant to be developing?"

"This is no game, Chihuahua Boy!  Badger Man must keep our cul-de-sac safe from evil doers and vegetable oils of all kinds!"

"Oh, why do I ever get my hopes up?"  Edd swallowed hard as he turned back towards Eddy.  "W-well, it looks as though Ed has chosen to express himself in an alternative manner – one perhaps more in keeping with his unique personality…"  He forced a weak giggle.  "Loveable oaf…You just have to – gkkh!"  His words were choked off as Eddy grabbed hold of the 'cape' still tied around his neck and yanked him off his feet.

"Great.  Just great."  Eddy rested a foot on Edd's chest and glared down at him.  "Yet another perfectly good scamming day wasted, thanks to you and your stupid 'research'!"

"I apologize, Eddy, if you think our current state of affairs can be attributed to my actions."  Edd winced as Eddy dug his foot into his ribs.  "Please!  If there's anything I can do to rectify the situation, you have only to ask!"

Eddy remained silent for a moment, still angry.  Suddenly, a wicked grin spread across his face.  "Oh, I can think of something you can do…"

*****

"At the Copa…"  Groans and boos washed steadily over the stage as Ed, still dressed in his Badger Man finery, danced and sang with abandon.  He held the microphone up to his mouth.  "Copacabana…"

"Eddy, no, wait, stop!"  Edd tried his best to dig his feet in, but Eddy propelled him steadily forward.  "This isn't at all what I had in mind!"

"Of course not, Sock-head, that's why I'm the idea man!"  Eddy leaned in and pushed harder.  "Now quit your whining and get the lead out – Ed only knows one song and nobody else has signed up yet!  Get out there and show them all the fun they're missing!"

Edd fearfully eyed the stage, growing closer by the minute despite his panicked backpedaling.  "Eddy, please, you know how prone I am to stage fright!  Why can't you go on instead?"

"Yeah, right – I'm the sushi chef!  I gotta make sure nobody gets hungry while you and Ed are entertaining them!"

"For the last time, Eddy, thawed fish sticks wrapped in green paper does _not_ constitute a sushi dinner!  For heaven's sake – look at our customers!  Rolf's the only one who hasn't turned green yet!"  Edd made a last desperate grab at a passing table before Eddy knocked him onstage with a rough shove.

Eddy followed close behind to block off Edd's escape route.  He favored the audience with a suave grin.  "Thank you, ladies and germs!  How's everyone enjoying their stay at Tokyo Eddy's House of Sushi and Karaoke Bar?"  He rushed on as the kids raised their raw fish sticks threateningly.  "Yes, uh, well, how about a big hand for 'Badger Man' Ed, hero of the karaoke circuit!"

Jonny whooped with delight and pounded on his table.  Everyone else stared stonily.

"Well, even superheroes gotta take five sometime – but never fear, Ed will be back shortly to give you more of that toe-tappin' tune you know and love!  In the meantime – is there anybody out there who wants to take a turn yet?  Only twenty-five cents a song!"  He waited.  "Still too shy, eh?  Well, okay then, it's time for our next act!  Straight from an engagement at the Peach Creek Library Lobby, he's your favorite and mine – let's give it up for 'The Extra D is for Delightful' Double-D!"  

A single soggy fish stick bounced up onto the stage.

Still facing his audience, Eddy reached a hand back and collared Edd as he attempted to slink offstage.  He snickered.  "Boy, talk about predictable!"  Eddy thrust the microphone into Edd's hands, then went offstage to fiddle with their makeshift karaoke machine.  He choked back the laughter as he picked out a CD and set it to play.

"Oh, how do I get myself in to these things?"  Edd couldn't stop trembling as he looked out at a sea of already-nauseated faces all staring at him.  He shook even harder when the song Eddy had picked began.  He looked wildly towards the wings, but Eddy was still standing there, ready to stop any escape attempts.  Taking a deep breath and trying to imagine he was somewhere else, he squeaked out the words of the song.  

"T-tiptoe, through the tulips, through the…tulips…Oh, who am I kidding?"  His overloaded embarrassment sensors finally, mercifully, putting his brain on standby, he collapsed to the floor in a dead faint.

Ed gasped.  "Oh no, Chihuahua Boy!"  He jumped back onstage.  Picking Edd up, he shook him vigorously.  "Wake up, Chihuahua Boy!"  He sighed in relief as Edd's eyelids flickered and slowly opened.  "I was so worried!  I thought you had fallen victim to one of Red Temper's evil plots!  Let's sing a song!"  Holding Edd upright with one arm slung around his shoulders, he picked up the microphone and sang Copacabana, oblivious to what was playing on the karaoke machine.  He was so engaged in his song and dance that he didn't even notice when Edd's head lolled back as he slipped into unconsciousness yet again.

Snickering from the side of the stage, Eddy settled back to watch the show.  It may not have been a very lucrative day, but it seemed that there were some things almost as good as getting huge stacks of cash.  Almost.


End file.
